Emotionless

It's a bit of an oxymoron for me. Or rather, I'm a bit of an oxymoron.

You see, my cousin died today.

No, not the one who lives with me. I'd be a bit more hysterical if she died.

I wasn't very close to this cousin, but I came to the hospital to give support to my family. And while everyone around me was blurry-eyed, puffy-faced and holding each other, I just sat. I stared out the window. I watched the cartoons on the tiny TV across the room. I checked and sent text messages, requesting prayer and giving updates. I didn't shed one tear, even when I went in to see her. Even when they announced that she was gone and her best friend and her fiance fell to the floor, weeping and sobbing. I still stared, emotionless.

Normally I'm the one who is told to calm down.

Normally I'm the one who is "overemotional". But today, I just sat and stared.

I guess that's how I deal with death. That's how I've dealt with it so far. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends of the family... I've attended their funerals and still, nothing.

I looked out the window as my cousin's friends and family wept. It was cloudy today and the whole window was white--completely void of any differential. I felt like that cold, gray sky, showing nothing but knowing that somewhere in there, there's a storm.

Somewhere beyond the gray, dull exterior, there's torrents of rain and strong winds, waiting to be released. The only question is, when?

It just came to me

I was trying to think of a title for a book that I recently finished. With most books, I can't think of a title until it's completely finished. Even without meaning to, I tend to develop themes--or rather, the stories themselves have a theme but I don't discover it until I've completed it. So... here goes. The book is the first in a series of mysteries, and I can't think of anything better to call the series other than the name of the main character. Original, huh? Well, it works, anyhow. But the name of the first book is "The Adventure." I had been trying to think of a name that went with the book, but they either seemed too serious, too cheesy, or too... dull. So I'm listening to my WMP playlist, and Angels & Airwaves' "The Adventure" comes on. That's when it comes to me. This girl has a normal life, and then she has a series of adventures that lead her to God's perfect plan for her life. So here are the lyrics to "The Adventure"

“The Adventure”
By Angels and Airwaves

I want to have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up, and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight
I'm the first to know, my dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that's dead shall be regrown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign, you will be fine

Hey Oh, Here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin

Any type of love, it will be shown
Like every single tree, reach for the sky
If you're going to fall, I'll let you know
That I will pick you up, like you for I
I felt this thing, I can't replace
Where everyone was working for this goal
where all the children left without a trace
Only to come back as pure as gold to recite this all

Hey Oh, Here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin
Tonight... Hey Oh, here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin
Tonight... Hey Oh, here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin

I cannot live, I can't breathe, unless you do this with me.
Hey Oh, here I am (do this with me)
And here we go, life's waiting to begin (do this with me)
Hey Oh, here I am (do this with me)
And here we go, life's waiting to begin



I hope that sparked your interest... :)