Little Update

Wow, is has been WAY too long since I've updated! I know, no one's really reading, but if someone happens to stumble upon this, I don't want them to think I'm a loser who doesn't blog anymore. So here is a little update of what I've been up to lately:

I guess the biggest news is that I'm pregnant. This has accounted for my lack of posting, as I have been incredibly exhausted and my brain has been working overtime on baby-related stuff.

One of the struggles of being an UNpublished writer is that you still have to pay bills, and if your husband has trouble finding regular work (not seasonal, like construction), you have to make enough for the both of you. Well, that just isn't happening. I'm working part-time, which is good for my health, because to work full time would be too much for me. However, it's not good for our bank accounts... Anyways, I have been working and my work as a drama teacher includes producing/directing/whatever-ing the Spring performance. On top of that, I am directing the High School Spring Production, a dinner theatre. This takes a lot of planning and figuring out and keeping tabs on the high school students and... lots of stuff.

On top of all that, our church, Ethos, finally had its launch. This actually doesn't mean much for me, since my role in the church is not quite ready to be taken yet. Some other things need to be taken care of first, before I start doing that. But I do go to meetings and all that, so it is a commitment.

I have been writing sporadically, and I've been changing my mind on a few different stories. I have a few stories that I just feel don't work, and I've been attempting to make them work, and I've ended up changing the plot completely, just keeping the characters and the basic setting. I haven't actually been writing it as such, for fear that I'll change my mind again. I want to make sure I have it the way I want it in my head before I spend hours and hours re-writing it, only to throw that all out and rewrite it AGAIN. It's good for me, though, to work through different scenarios to see what works and what doesn't. I can keep it in mind for the future, and I can also remember to work out all those kinks BEFORE I write 15 chapters and claim to be "almost done"...

We moved into my sister's house. Well, my parents own it and they live in the granny flat in the back, but the actual house that we live in (and share space with) is my sister's section of the house. It has its ups and downs... For instance, it's great to be in a place with much lower rent, family around, furniture already there, etc. But it can be a struggle at times to live with my nieces. They are not the cleanest children around... Have you ever seen the BBC show, "How Clean if Your House?" Yeah, I think we need them to come and teach the children a thing or two about basic cleaning and hygiene.

It's nice to have my parents around to talk to, to support us, to give us wisdom, and to share their little back house when it gets too crazy in the front house. I think it's helped the relationship between Mitch and my parents to be living together. Most people would say that it would make a relationship between in-laws worse, but I really think it's helped them both to understand each other and to see where they're coming from. I tend to go over to my parents' house a lot when the kids are around, because I get a little overwhelmed with them, and when Mitch gets home from work, he has to come and find me there. I don't bother going back into the house when he comes home, I think subconsciously because I want him to come to my parents' house. He's ended up in a number of friendly conversations with my dad that way, and I think it's good.

Anyways... I've been busy. It's no excuse, of course, but it is a reason. And that's what I've been up to. Hopefully it won't be another three months before I post again. :)

Emotionless

It's a bit of an oxymoron for me. Or rather, I'm a bit of an oxymoron.

You see, my cousin died today.

No, not the one who lives with me. I'd be a bit more hysterical if she died.

I wasn't very close to this cousin, but I came to the hospital to give support to my family. And while everyone around me was blurry-eyed, puffy-faced and holding each other, I just sat. I stared out the window. I watched the cartoons on the tiny TV across the room. I checked and sent text messages, requesting prayer and giving updates. I didn't shed one tear, even when I went in to see her. Even when they announced that she was gone and her best friend and her fiance fell to the floor, weeping and sobbing. I still stared, emotionless.

Normally I'm the one who is told to calm down.

Normally I'm the one who is "overemotional". But today, I just sat and stared.

I guess that's how I deal with death. That's how I've dealt with it so far. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends of the family... I've attended their funerals and still, nothing.

I looked out the window as my cousin's friends and family wept. It was cloudy today and the whole window was white--completely void of any differential. I felt like that cold, gray sky, showing nothing but knowing that somewhere in there, there's a storm.

Somewhere beyond the gray, dull exterior, there's torrents of rain and strong winds, waiting to be released. The only question is, when?

It just came to me

I was trying to think of a title for a book that I recently finished. With most books, I can't think of a title until it's completely finished. Even without meaning to, I tend to develop themes--or rather, the stories themselves have a theme but I don't discover it until I've completed it. So... here goes. The book is the first in a series of mysteries, and I can't think of anything better to call the series other than the name of the main character. Original, huh? Well, it works, anyhow. But the name of the first book is "The Adventure." I had been trying to think of a name that went with the book, but they either seemed too serious, too cheesy, or too... dull. So I'm listening to my WMP playlist, and Angels & Airwaves' "The Adventure" comes on. That's when it comes to me. This girl has a normal life, and then she has a series of adventures that lead her to God's perfect plan for her life. So here are the lyrics to "The Adventure"

“The Adventure”
By Angels and Airwaves

I want to have the same last dream again
The one where I wake up, and I'm alive
Just as the four walls close me within
My eyes are open up with pure sunlight
I'm the first to know, my dearest friends
Even if your hope has burned with time
Anything that's dead shall be regrown
And your vicious pain, your warning sign, you will be fine

Hey Oh, Here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin

Any type of love, it will be shown
Like every single tree, reach for the sky
If you're going to fall, I'll let you know
That I will pick you up, like you for I
I felt this thing, I can't replace
Where everyone was working for this goal
where all the children left without a trace
Only to come back as pure as gold to recite this all

Hey Oh, Here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin
Tonight... Hey Oh, here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin
Tonight... Hey Oh, here I am; And here we go, life's waiting to begin

I cannot live, I can't breathe, unless you do this with me.
Hey Oh, here I am (do this with me)
And here we go, life's waiting to begin (do this with me)
Hey Oh, here I am (do this with me)
And here we go, life's waiting to begin



I hope that sparked your interest... :)

I don't want to be HERE, either...

This is a long one, so brace yourself.

I suppose this is a bit of a continuation of my last blog. I said I wanted to keep morals and spiritual insight in my writing, but there also needs to be a healthy balance.

For the sake of being kind, I will leave names out, but I just finished reading a book that I have already read. I read it years ago--I was probably still in high school (I know, that wasn't THAT long ago, but still... at least 5 years). I don't remember feeling or thinking what I did just last night and today when I read that book.

Let me first give you some background. This book is "Inspirational Fiction." In other words, it's the kind of book that pastor's wives read in their women's Christian book clubs. The kinds of books that honestly, make it difficult for an honestly good Christian writer (one that is not afraid to challenge a few minds) to be taken seriously. It's the kind of writing that doesn't do much in the way of challenging someone who is already a Christian, and would not at all be appealing to an unbeliever.

Now, there is nothing wrong with Christian book clubs led by pastor's wives, or writers supplying (and making their living from) Christian books that are so over-ridden with Christianese and "if you'll just give your heart to God then everything will be fine and you'll all of a sudden be happy forever" speeches from the heroines of the book (because it's always the tender-hearted girl who leads the stern, rough man to Christ...).

I just want a little more reality. I want to see that Christians can struggle with more than just bitterness, and that it affects them in all aspects of their life. I want to see a man leading a girl to Christ--and keep that girl the heroine! Show them what it's like for a non-believer to be on the other side of the fence! We've seen enough of the Christian's struggle to witness to the people they love, but what about their side of the story?

As I was reading last night, I was thinking about this, and I considered changing one of my books. Yes, I considered changing the whole plot of a book that I recently finished (I finished it over Thanksgiving break), all because I am fearful of it falling into the category of "cheesy Christian romance with nothing more than a bunch of Christianese and the girl changing the guys' heart". I wanted to switch it--make the guy the Christian and show her struggles to decide whether or not she should start to follow Christ. In fact, that's what I had originally intended for that story (before I went haywire and wrote for four days straight and finally completed it). But I looked at the other plot changes I had made, and I saw that they couldn't work--I can't have it both ways; it wouldn't have made sense. Then came the thought of "guy who's lost his faith is reminded of it when an unbelieving girl starts to question it." But I wasn't sure if that's the dynamic I wanted. I wasn't sure if that's what their story really was.

But throughout all these decisions to be made and complicated plots to figure out, I have to remember my purpose. My purpose is to draw people in and bring them to Christ. And if they already know Him, then I need to challenge them. Our church, Ethos, has a haiku as our mission statement. Don't laugh, I'm serious. But one of the stanzas says,

"Challenge Each Other
Vulnerably Authentic
Christ is Relevant"


Challenge Each Other.

I should not be afraid to challenge others. I should not be afraid to challenge the church. Didn't Christ, Martin Luther, and (dare I say it?) even Chuck Smith do the same? I should not be afraid to challenge hypocrisy, false religion, immorality, self-righteousness and the blaspheming of the Holy Spirit. Yet, I must proceed thus in love. I must let brotherly love continue, and as much as is possible, I need to strive to live peaceably with all men.

Vulnerably Authentic.

I need to be realistic. I need to be open to criticism, leaving me vulnerable. Not everyone will appreciate my style of realism, and many more will not see the underlying allegories and symbolism. Yet, I must pursue it in the hopes that at least some will see. If I touch one person with my writing, I have done my job--even if that one person is me. I can't put on any pretense or false humility; I must be out-right with my beliefs, ready for the opposition, but I cannot be so blatantly arrogant in my beliefs as to look down my nose at those who do not share my beliefs. I cannot shove my beliefs in their face without at least trying to see where they're coming from. Jesus told of His kingdom with parables; how can we presume to discuss theology and "Christian" things without at least considering this way of explaining it? Sometimes we need a story to understand God's power. Sometimes we need to see the flip side of the coin--the not-so-pretty side of things before we can appreciate God's forgiveness. We need to remember that we have ALL sinned and fallen short of God's glory; yet there is hope. While we continue in our own sins of lust, hatred and hypocrisy, others are being truthful--they are being authentic and vulnerable, sinful as they may be. We must remember that we are in just as much need of God's grace and mercy as any other Joe Schmo off the street. We can't pretend to be anything more than the filthy, diseased heathens that we are.

Christ is Relevant.

Above all, I must keep Christ at the center. Even when using an allegory; even when His name is not mentioned, His character and His love for us must be apparent. He has sacrificed so much to be with us, and that is the best love story of all. It needs only to be told in a way that unchurched people are able to understand. Take, for instance, C.S. Lewis' classic fantasy series, The Chronicles of Narnia. When asked about the allegory, he said that he did not wish it to be a parallel or a picture of Christ's sacrifice, but he intended it to be a picture of, if, indeed, there was a place called Narnia, what would a great King like Aslan do in such a situation? He is quoted as saying, "It all began with images; a faun carrying an umbrella, a queen on a sledge, a magnificent lion. At first there wasn't anything Christian about them; that element pushed itself in of its own accord." Since he allowed God to have control of his writing, he was able to easily implement something that he held so dear to his heart (his relationship with Christ) into his writing without even trying. He didn't have to look up any scriptures or double check his theology; he needn't research and make sure that his allegories matched up. He didn't need to because the Great Author was writing for him. He allowed God to lead him where H/his heart desired (in that when we put our trust and our hope in God, His desires become our desires). His intention was not to make religion more accessible to children, but it did. His intention was to make a nice story to read to his grandchildren, and it served that purpose as well.

So what's my point with all this ranting? I really don't know. I just hope I sparked a few questions in your minds and maybe gave you pause for a least a split second to consider what "good Christian writing" really is.

Let's all hope I don't end up here.

My favorite author and mentor, Robin Hardy, has quite the sense of humor. I was looking over her site and found this. After having a good laugh at the parodies, the thought came to me: What if one of those books were mine?



No, this isn't a sermon on why we shouldn't make fun of people online... though I'm sure that's an important topic that should probably be addressed.



Ok, back to my point.



It has occurred to me on more than one occasion that while I may one day "hit it big" in the literary scene, it may not be what I now hope for. What if I do end up being picked up by a publishing company who wants to turn me into the next Jackie Collins or Nora Roberts? Not that I would mind their salary, but there is something to be said about dignity and quality.



Now, I have never read a book by either of them, but the fact that they are at the grocery check out line tells me that they must be those cheesy romance novels with a lot of sex scenes and not much else.



Anyone who has read my stuff knows that I try to stay away from the hot-n-heavy romance, though I do include a love story of some kind in all of my books (so far). Which then makes me wonder if I'll just be called the watered-down version of Danielle Steele.



There's nothing wrong with being a household name, or being paid well for writing. But churning out dozens upon dozens of books relating stories not of growth, maturity, spiritual insight and a moral compass, but of lust, one-night-stands and extramarital affairs....? That's enough to make me gag.



If I ever turn out to be such a writer, please... someone shoot me. I'll forgive you.